Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
