I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
