First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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