I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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