Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
