I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
