I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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