Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
