I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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