Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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