I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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