He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
