I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
