how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
