Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
