Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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