Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize