That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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