K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
