Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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