I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
zippers are such a cool invention
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
