My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
