I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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