We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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