Pappa wants mamma naked
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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