I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
