it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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