life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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