It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sext me about skeletons
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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