i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
