I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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