you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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