If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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