Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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