Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
