I think I won the penis lottery.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
