You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
