he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
