Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
