i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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