so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
