those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize