walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
