That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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