Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
