singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
