So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
