just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
