I got chris browned last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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