So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I forget how to act sober
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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