Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
