I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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