Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
