we're blogging at a bar
I love black thongs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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