There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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