i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
