I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
