I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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