I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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