Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
