There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A bitchslap is in order.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
