morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
