Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
